Slowly But Surely..

I was at a devastating, terrible state. I couldn’t sleep well, I couldn’t eat full, I couldn’t get my work done, I couldn’t talk to anyone without ending up crying and I couldn’t even talk myself out to be strong. I just couldn’t. I wake up in the mornings with hopeless dreams and a shattered heart. My broken heart was beyond repair. It was too painful to bear, I cried days and days asking myself what did I do wrong? Was I not the apple of his eyes? Was I not part of his dream? Was I not his soul? I kept thinking and thinking and thinking perhaps I did not promise enough love, perhaps I was too demanding, or perhaps I was just simply his toy, for him to play around with whenever he feels like it…Did he ever, ever really loved me?

I lost 2kgs the past days since the break-up. Colours were dull, food was tasteless, jokes were mean, job was a burden, and everything else was nothing but pure hell. I looked at myself, and asked, why can’t I have the happiness everyone else has? Was I that bad as a girlfriend? Am I that person who does not deserve to be loved? Why can’t I, have that one chance to be happy and lead a ‘happily-ever-after’ life? Why? I’m whining I know. Everyone keeps telling me, things happened for a reason. Yes thank you, I understand completely all the kind concern for me, giving me comfort... It’s just, guys..when you have already given all your heart, all your life devoted to that just one person only to be broken so badly by him, it’s never easy…Never.

I’m sorry, im still not over the fact that he had betrayed my trust. Im still not over the fact that the relationship has come to a bitter end. However, despite all the holocaust in me, im not sorry I made that decision to leave and walk away. Im not sorry that, that decision might have just saved my future. I may be weak now, so weak I felt like I’ve totally lost my directions, cause he is the one man I love with all my might, to death.. I promise, I’ll get up soon and I’ll get up good. I’m still in need of your support, fellow blogger friends; to motivate me, to encourage me and of course to stand by me no matter what happens. Your words are my strength. Thank you. I’ll write up again soon, with story in full.. Take care.

"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." ~ thanks Myra.

What happens to love after you’ve found it?