Hell has no Fury like a Woman's Scorn

Not a good day today. It's been days since i was caught up under piles of work. Monday received instruction to create a multimedia project for Maxis Cyberkids. Given only 3 days to complete, i took everything in one go.. edited all the pictures, rephrased all the proposal, looked for the appropriate song and began with the multimedia thingy.. file size was too big, i had to re-edit a couple of times, till finally it was done this morning 8.45 am..

And yesterday, 090909, marked the day i had my monthly moon. It was like a pain in the ass. Senggugut orang putih called it. I really felt like banging my head against the wall due to the pain. It was almost unbearable. Bergenang air mata aku.. after work, went back home and gulped down a glass of 'Wincarnis' hoping for a smooth flow..

And today? Hell really has no fury like a woman's scorn. I got so furious with my students. The 'kerja amal' i gave them way back two months ago, dibuat secara cincai bincai. They are to come up with a handycraft made from recycle item, tak kisah lah, kertas terpakai, bottles, tin.. straw, anything. And you know apa mereka buat? Rekaan seperti budak takdak akai.

"Saya dapat tau, ada di antara kamu yang baru buat tugasan ini semalam, padahal saya dah beri tugasan ini sejak 2 bulan lepas!"

"Kamu letak apa atas meja saya? Kamu nak tau? Sampah!"

"Budak kecik pun lagi pandai dari kamu..umur saja 16.."

"Ha, kamu, kenapa kerja tak hantar? apa kamu buat 2 bulan tempoh saya beri?"

"takda bahan cikgu.. takda gam"..

"takda bahan??? dua bulan kamu carik apa? tido?? tau takda gam, kenapa tak beli?? kenapa tak pesan dengan kawan kalau kamu tak keluar ke pasar? Takda duit? kenapa tak bagitau saya??"

"Jawapan paling *****!.. kerja macam bagi anjing makan!"

"laporan kamu mana? sumbat dalam mulut? Ha pandai..."

"Esok kamu tunggu, nama kamu semua yang buat kerja macam sampah, yang tak buat langsung, akan dipanggil masuk bilik disiplin..kamu berjawab la dengan guru disiplin.."

"ni, kamu bagi apa kat saya? 100 plus? nak saya minum?"

"senang je kamu koyak belakang buku kan, pastu buat rumah cincai macam ni.."

"janji antar.." - pelajar

Tengok lah tugasan yang mereka buat..macam mana lah aku tak jadi gunung berapi .. i got so so so mad with them sebab all these time, aku baik dengan mereka.. Aku buat kek bila mereka nak makan kek coklat, aku sediakan gula-gula untuk mereka.. aku bagi kelonggaran kalau ada alasan munasabahsarawak. But this is how they repay me? Sangat sakit hati dan otak ok.. Derang tak sedar lagi, kalau kerja kursus ni tak disiapkan, akan affect their SPM next year. Satu je, it only takes one yang derang tak buat, result immediately takkan keluar...mana aku tak jadi harimau betina arini..

Dan sekarang period pain aku is not helping me at all.. Sungguh lah mengundang kemarahan..
Aku perlu bertenang ni.. haih..

Sorry lah guys, korang terpaksa membaca post rungutan berunsur kemarahan today. When the hormone is not stable, this is what happen lah --> Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn.

BEBAL II

Hari ini mood aku dah ok sikit..sebab tu aku tak nak sambung kisah tu semalam knowing kalau aku marah, i tend to say things i do not really want to say..

Thanks for all the comments, ada yang setuju ada yang tak..but i'd like for you guys to read sampai habis dulu cerita bebal ni, then korang judge lah..aku kah yang salah..atau memang patut pun aku marah..

Masa aku message lelaki itu, he also made it clear dia dah tak suka kat aku lagi..dia memang anggap aku kawan saja.. and dia sendiri pun tak mo keluar dengan aku kalau berdua sahaja, which makes two of us.. hati dia memang dah takda kat aku dah.. itu aku nak korang paham dulu k.. sebab itu aku berani ajak lelaki itu keluar minum dengan mengajak sekali si rempuna..

Yang aku sendiri tak paham, lelaki dah ajak si rempuna tu kan.. si rempuna kata tak dapat, jadi jelas di sini, i mean guys, is it not obvious si rempuna itu tahu aku telah mengajak kedua-duanya sekali keluar? tidak terangkah ayat bahasa melayu baku aku itu?

Message malam semalam; si rempuna accused aku ajak laki dia keluar dengan niat lain.. eh what the h***? Ada ke aku ajak lelaki tu sorang-sorang? Apa motif wei? Aku pun ada Cinta aku sendiri, baru tak sat aku jumpa.. come on lah, sebagai kawan, salahkah aku ajak keluar? Dah la bukan ajak diam-diam, bukan ajak curi-curi..terang-terang aku ajak dua orang.. Aku siap bagitau lagi kat Cinta aku yang aku nak keluar dengan derang.. I decided to call her and talk straight rather than texting, but she left it unanswered. 2 kali aku call. Malas nak cerita panjang, kalau betul dia nak tau cerita sebenar, bah..angkat lah kol kan, but nope... she did not.. dia balas dalam message 'takpelah, tak payah kol, kita sms saja'.. I can understand if dia tiba-tiba rasa that insecurity. Jadi why not talk to me kan? Dengarlah kebenarannya, jangan takut. Sumpah demi Tuhan, aku takde niat jahat pun when i asked both of them out..

To some, you are right she is not worth my time,not worth my energy, not worth my anger..but feel me.. would you like it if someone accuses you over something you did not do? Would you not want to at least try and defend yourself for that matter? And to some, it is my fault to begin with in the first place sebab lancang ajak lelaki tu keluar.. But do take note, aku tak ajak lelaki itu seorang..

Maybe our principle tak sama, jangan sesekali keluar dengan boyfriend orang even if girlfriend tersebut ada bersama..but for me berkawan biar seribu dalam batas-batas yang ditetapkan.. and i am still sane enough to know all the rules.. I dont know orang lain, tapi aku tak pernah kongkong cinta aku kalau dia nak keluar dengan kawan-kawan dia as long as dia inform aku. I know he too has his own life and perlukan kawan, asalkan tidak melampaui batas. My life is too short to harbor jealousy and hatred all the time.. Again you and me may not share the same line about this, but i wont object to yours either..setiap orang ada alasan-alasan mereka tersendiri.

Apa yang dia sms-sms kat aku, kali ini biarlah aku seorang yang tahu.. Memang menyakitkan hati aku, but let it be lah.. i've filtered it here sesuai untuk bacaan umum. Aku pun sedang mengkontrol diri time bulan yang mulia ni..

Honestly, I hate being angry.. It is not always do i let myself quite open to all of you.. Therefore, for whatever i've said, for whatever i've ranted, I am so sorry if any of it offended some of you.. I do not condone myself writing bad things about other people, but, i just need to let my disappointment out. I hope you, if not all, some who already knew me, my fellow blogger friends, would understand that..

Thanks.

Point Blank

Blank, Blanco, Blanket..

haih, ramblings. rants. talking nonsense.
i'll go point blank..

i'm in a state of a blurry mind. I've tried updating
but keep on deleting.. may have got something to do
with my g-wa kacau the past few weeks. crazy.

how's my life you asked? a-ok la. monotonous more
like it.. i've been doing nothing but work work work..
sik lamak senget palak ku tok. kerana kerja tek aku
sampey kelai dengan *. Ergh. And today is my first
day bendera jepun. yah, bagus. segala sakit perut,
senggugut, sakit pinggang, sakit palak, sakit jiwa
semua campor.. rojak sotong jadinya. how to avoid
senggugut ho? any help please?

bah, it's 11.00pm on my desktop. I better head to
bed now. Sebelum jiwa makin kacau, baik aku berhenti
merapu kedana.. This one pun actually takde specific content
so just feel free if you'd like to leave any comments..

p/s: i miss the old me yang suka update setiap hari..dont you? :(

Azam dan Luahan Hati Ahmoi

Tahun depan aku target nak beli 1. rumah. Seriously. Aku ada target dalam hidup, and i believe semua pun begitu kan. Lagi, apa target aku dalam hidup? Salah satunya sudah tercapai, and that is membeli 2. kereta.. the third and the biggest deal (for someone my age) is 3. settling down. But that target, diletakkan pada list paling bawah, for now.. [post ini mungkin agak panjang tapi aku minta korang bacalah dan fahami isi hati aku, thank you in advance]


Bercerita soal target nak kawen ni, bukan aku tak nak..aku nak ok, cuma untuk melaksanakannya tak semudah lidah menyebut. Kawen bukan perkara main-main. Banyak soal perlu dibicarakan...So, does that mean aku tak amik kisah? Tidak sama sekali..aku memang ada target, tapi aku nak korang paham satu perkara and this one detail only. Aku pernah kehilangan insan yang aku sayang dalam hidup, maka dari situ aku belajar menilai kehidupan ini tak selalunya indah..harus sentiasa bersedia menghadapi segala kemungkinan. Bagi aku, membeli kereta dan rumah lebih senang dirunding berbanding hati. Hati boleh berubah bila-bila masa. Tapi rumah dan kereta, esok lusa tahun depan tetap akan ada takkan habis. Anytime ada duit, boleh beli terus..tapi hati? Kalau ditakdirkan takda jodoh, ko ingat duit boleh beli balik hati tersebut?


Beli rumah, ko boleh target nak beli 2 tingkat, boleh aim nak beli bila-bila ko nak, tapi hati? hari ni ko merancang sikit punya baik, esok lusa mana tau di'tidak'kan Tuhan? Tak jadi beli rumah ko maseh boleh bersabar, maseh boleh terima kenyataan, tapi kalau tak jadi kawen? sapa tanggung perasaan? Your mom ke? No, it's you..maka sebab itulah aku tak pernah letak harapan menjulang tinggi langit, cukup sekadar aku berterima kasih pada apa yang aku ada dan akan sedaya upaya menjaga hubungan kami sehingga sampai ke jinjang pelamin dan akhir hayat of course. I grab hold to what i have and sangat bersyukur dipertemukan dengan Cinta yang menerima aku seadanya. Aku tak nak canang seluruh Sarawak bercinta bagai nak rak tapi ujongnya, sikda gney-gney. Siapa tak sayang boyfriend, kan? Tapi, biarlah berpada, betul?


Ada yang kata aku social..cuba fikir, bila korang kata aku macam tu, ada korang selidik dalam-dalam kehidupan aku? Sesetengah orang berpendapat, bila dah bercouple, dah tak boleh dah nak keluar dengan kawan-kawan. Bagi aku that's bullshit. Kalau dah nak kongkong macam tu, baek ko kawen terus..Ditching friends is so not me. I will definitely still hang out with my guy/gal friends. Macam la kalau aku keluar dengan kawan lelaki, aku akan terus jatuh cinta pada dia? Eh, pakai logik bleh? Dah la bukan keluar berdua tapi ramai-ramai..tak ke ngeng nak kata aku bagai?

Bagi korang yang rasa aku ni tak tau jaga diri, meh sini aku sound sikit. FYI, i never hide anything from my Cinta, mana-mana aku pergi, dengan sapa aku pergi, pukul berapa aku pergi, pukul berapa aku balik semua aku bagitau cinta supaya cinta tau di mana aku berada. Juga supaya tidak timbul fitnah daripada orang bermulut tempayan celupar. The bottom issue is TRUST. kalau takde trust, no relationship can survive. Whether you're with me on this or not, i leave it to you to decide. So for those yang selalu tertanya "boyfriend ko bagi ko keluar? amboi, sporting sungguh" dengan nada sinistic; that line totally bores me to death already..Ada ke, kalau bercouple terus jadi cenggini, "ko jangan nak ngenjet keluar" hello?? cuckoo cuckoo..tolonglah jangan narrow minded sangat ok, tolonglah..

Aku tak minta korang bersetuju dengan aku, tapi memadailah kalau all of you faham inilah prinsip hidup aku and this is where i will always stand, aight?

How Come? It's Not Right

I wonder, how come ah, parents would just easily hand their responsibilities to other people to handle/care for their children? No, not that teacher-teaching-student thingy, more like fathermother sitting at home binging and do not care to fetch their kids from school?

I've seen scenarios like students come approaching teachers asking if they could 'tumpang' balik sebab apparently their parents couldn't be bothered to pick them up or simply too busy with their life. Any teacher, if you ask, will not say no sebab risaukan the safety of their student. But, upon reaching the student's home, rupa-rupanya the parents ARE at home eating lunch like dogs. [pardon my rudeness] Padahal that teacher tadi, awalnya ada urusan di luar but sanggup balik semula ke sekolah just to pick up the student so that the kid will arrive home safe and sound.

Ih, i do not know why but things like this la yang really pisses me off. Senang je serah tanggungjawab tu pada orang lain..nanti kalau apa-apa jadi pada anak-anak, salahkan sekolah la, nak saman la, bawak masuk court la.. apa kes?? Anak-anak anugerah Tuhan, do take good care of them, ok..

Oh well, just another normal wednesday afternoon to rant. Eheh.

Attendant yang Memohakan

I got sort of pissed off today by a lady pump attendant.
Two of them actually.. And why was i pissed with them?

Imagine a scenario of me at Petronas petrol station wanting to get fuel for my car, at the same time desiring to buy all four transformers toys. Do pay attention to all their replies in red.

"Transformers nyer toy dah keluar ke belum?"

"Errr, dah..tuuu.." pointing at the counter

"Boleh tak bawak ke sini? ingat nak tengok dan beli.."

"minyak nak isi?"

"Nak, full tank..." dia memberi pandangan blur..

"Penoh" perhaps my mistake. so ok, aku cakap
bahasa ibunda..

##########

Back to transformers punya issue selepas habis pengisian..


"Saya nak beli semua toys tu ok..4 semua kan?"

"patung? tapi ada saiz.." muka blur.

"Huh??" sejak bila pulak toy transformers ni ada saiz?

"Patung tu ada saiz ke? haih? TOYS tu, ada SAIZ??"

"Iye, ada saiz, pergi la tengok dalam kedai"..kedua dua pump attendant menjawab serentak..

Fine, mungkin aku yang tak tau about this..so aku dengan berat hatinya keluar dari kereta (cause i was wearing shorts) masuk ke dalam kedai petronas..when i asked the boy, the boy told me toys belum keluar lagi, yang ada t-shirts saja and t-shirts tu lah yang ada saiz..pulak? pekerja kat luar tadi kata dah ada, siap ada saiz lagi, apa kebendanya ?? when i asked that bengap lady back, you know what she said to me..?

"LA, NAK BELI PATUNG TU KE TADI? INGATKAN NAK BELI T-SHIRT"

?????????????????????????????
Oh my goodness! Yarabi Ya Tuhan..
Aduh, bahasa apakah yang telah aku gunakan tadi?
Jerman?? Arab? Itik? Kucing?
I clearly said Toys or patung as she referred it to..
Aku siap ulang banyak kali kau...haih..
Seriously, pembelian minyak kali ini, amatlah memohakan perasaan..

membeli koleksi kereta dari Shell lebih menyenangkan..
eheh

I'm Freakin' Aware of That!

"Bila nak kawen? Eh you ni kan dah tua.."
"You jgn tunggu lama2. Nanti berkarat, takda yang nak.."
"Kenapa nak tunggu lagi? Ada ke laki sanggup tunggu u?"
"lama lagi nak kawen? awak tu bukan dah tua ke?"


Bummer.

What is it about people nosy'ing into my life?
What is it about being 25?
Is it so freakin' horrible, to be 25 and not married..yet??
Am i that old?? Am i that freakin' hard up i need to be
married by the age of 25??

Look you, i dont have a dull, boring, monotonous,
miserable and what not kind of life as the cause of me
not settling down yet. Ouch.
I certainly am very well aware im 25, stepping
very much soon into a stone age of 26, implying my skin is wrinkling
fast with saggy boobs and butts. However, not everything
is as simple as how we wished for it to be. There's a whole lot
deeper business than just "i do"

Nobody wants to grow old single..No one would choose
to not have a happy married life. I certainly do not want
to live my life forever alone.
Do you actually think i never thought of not any of these?

Drill this into your brain, maniac..and drill this good.
Marriage is never anything simple. Marriage requires
sacrifices, by that i meant not just money, but your
life as a whole. Saying is easy when you have the money..
Kau cakap memang senang sebab ko dah ada duit,
dah boleh beli rumah, keta..Aku? Nak kawen guna
i love you, you love me saja?..ingat all the wedding
details tak pakai duit? Nanti la aku tulis surat mintak
sponsor Pak Abu ok..

Ikutkan hati, memang aku geram..
sebab this people tak pikir dulu sebelum berkata2..
tak consider perasaan orang lain mungkin terguris.
kalau dah sampai jodoh, i will get married jugak in the future.
jgn risau..i'll make sure the entire whole world will know
my big day, ok?

Once you have these straight into your lost senses, get back
to me and apologize. Yes you, maniac. That's an order.